The Prophecy Fulfilled
by Stellata
Summary: Crack!fic. Sure, there was a prophecy. But Divination is a wishy-washy business, and who knows what it really meant - and who it could apply to... Meant to be humor. Het and slash pairings both mentioned.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Sadly not mine. A girl can dream, though...

A/N: I've edited and expanded this one shot, and I think it is better now. Read and review please.

Warning: Absolute crack.

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_"The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches ... Born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies ... And the Dark Lord will mark him as his equal, but he will have power the Dark Lord knows not ... And either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives ... The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord will be born as the seventh month dies..."_

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1978 - His First Defiance

"Bellatrix! Fetch me the Wireless!" Tom shrieked at his most rabid follower.

"Yes, Master." She moved instantly to obey.

"I hate Celestina Warbeck! Crucio!" The Dark Lord bellowed in rage.

"Ooh! Ahh! Oh, my LORD – DON'T STOP - " Bellatrix shuddered and fell to her master's feet, clutching the edge of his robes.

"Leave, Bella," Tom frowned. He waved his hand, and she sadly traipsed out of the room, trying to draw his attention by waggling her hips, and failing miserably.

Evan Mulciber bent over the Wizarding Wireless and quickly changed the channel.

"Much better." Tom said in approval. "The Ravaging Fwoopers are one of my favorite new bands... how did you know, Mulciber?"

"I – er – I knew you had excellent taste, sir...?" The young Death Eater said, twitching nervously.

"Hmm. I need someone to dance for me. Hmm – Severus?"

"I just remembered, my Lord - I have a mudblood to torture!" The pale young man said, slipping out of the room, his greasy black locks flowing behind him.

"Oh. All right then," Tom sighed in disappointment. "Mulciber?"

"There's a family of muggles I've been dying to murder!" Evan tried to come up with an original excuse. "Gotta go! Bye!"

"Strange..." Tom watched his follower go. "I suppose that just leaves you, Lucius. A pity. I prefer brunettes..."

_SWISH! _Tom flicked his wand, then smirked at Lucius. The young Malfoy blinked for a moment before realizing the Dark Lord was staring... at his... wait, what?

"What is... a red miniskirt, my Lord?" He choked out.

"Dance for me, Lucius!" Tom clapped his hands.

"NEVER!" Lucius screamed in a sudden burst of exhilarating, revolutionary thought.

"_You dare defy me_? CRUCIO!"

* * *

1978 - Her First Defiance

"Narcissa, dear, be a darling and cut my nails for me. I'm afraid I haven't had the time as of late to tend to my beauty needs... I intend to remedy that."

The tall blonde struggled not to choke.

"Of course, my Lord."

"The periwinkle polish I put on last month is chipping," Tom pouted as he stuck his feet up on the table, lounging quite artfully, as Dark Lords do. "So when you're done cutting, get it off smoothly, buff them, and repaint them with..._ this."_

"Puce – I mean, green?" Narcissa asked faintly, staring at the bottle of vomit-colored liquid.

"Oh yes, I saw little Barty Junior wearing a positively _lovely_ blouse in this color the other day," Tom positively beamed. "I fell head over heels for the color! Love at first sight, don't you know."

Narcissa knelt at Tom's feet, barely managing to nod as she held the scissors up to his left hand. His fingernails extended at least an inch beyond the end of his fingertips. Where the light blue polish had chipped away, she could see yellow nail underneath. It was, quite frankly, disgusting. But she swallowed her feelings and tried to be strong.

Tom sang the latest song by _Sphinx Slaughter_ as Narcissa cut his nails. She worked carefully and efficiently, and was finished in a few minutes. A few quick beauty charms rid his nails of the disintegrating periwinkle crust, and she got ready to repaint.

The Dark Lord tilted his head back and stared at the ceiling as Narcissa took out the nail polish.

"Are you sure you want puce – I mean, green?" She asked suddenly, overcome by the nausea she felt upon merely seeing the color.

"Of course," Tom chuckled. "Do you doubt my taste?" He asked it so casually that Narcissa was taken in.

"There are so many better colors," She said, her fashionable urges overtaking her sensibilities. "Try this!"

Narcissa transfigured the puce green polish into a dark, garnet red liquid. It took but a second for her to remove the brush, wipe off the excess fluid, then paint a perfect amount onto the nail of the Dark Lord's left thumb.

"What!" Tom shrieked as he stared at his nail.

"It's ever so _you,_ my Lord," Narcissa said quickly, surprised by her own audacity. "Look at it – don't you agree -"

"I wanted the green!" Tom roared. Narcissa quailed and fell to her knees on the floor.

"_You dare defy me_? CRUCIO!"


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Sadly not mine. A girl can dream, though...

_"The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches ... Born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies ... And the Dark Lord will mark him as his equal, but he will have power the Dark Lord knows not ... And either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives ... The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord will be born as the seventh month dies..."

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1979 - Their Second and Third Defiances

It was a Monday, which did not bode well for the Death Eaters. It was their Lord's least favorite day of the week. Why, you may ask? Well, every Monday morning, Tom Riddle, aka Voldemort, sent Albus Dumbledore an owl with a message on it.

_My dear Albus. Please stop this silly war and just go out with me. I promise I'll make it worth your while! This week, I thought we could go to Madam Puddifoot's! Afterwards, we could take a walk by the Lake and feed darling Leopold Squiddikins some peanuts together. Wouldn't that be romantic? Please write back soon!_

_Hugs and Kisses! Yours 4ever, Tommy_

Sadly for the Dark Lord, Albus Dumbledore always sent back the same message.

_Tom. For the last time, I am not interested in you _that_ way. Please stop owling me._

_Quite aggravated, Albus_

_PS – You will lose this war, Tom!_

After reading the predictable response, Tom was moody for the entire day. The Death Eaters soon learned by their Lord's decree that on Mondays, smiling was not allowed, and being engaged in any sort of intimate relations could very well lead to your death, or at the least insanity by Crucio.

Tom prowled about his lair, looking to catch someone smiling. Sometimes he got lucky, and Crucioed the hapless Death Eaters who had forgotten about their Lord's wrath on Mondays. Occasionally he got doubly lucky, and found a couple (most often Rabastan and Barty) making out in the bushes outside of the lair. Once he had gotten triply lucky, and found Regulus and Severus in an exceedingly compromising position in the pantry. He had watched them with tears in his eyes, wondering if that's how he and Albus could be if the Light wizard would only give him a chance... Then, as they were putting their clothes back on, Tom stepped out, announced that he saw _everything_ – and Crucioed them within an inch of their lives. Suffice to say, they had never been intimate on a Monday again.

On this particular Monday, Tom was just as sad as usual. After receiving Albus' coldhearted reply, Tom had broken down in his chambers, soaking his pillows with his tears, which, strangely enough, burnt the fabric with their acidity.

When he pulled himself together some hours later, Tom put on a standard Death Eater robe and pulled the hood well over his face. It was time to wander the compound and find anyone having fun.

On the previous weekend, Lucius had had a party at his manor. All the Death Eaters were invited. For a prank, Lucius had slipped a lust potion in Severus' drink, then locked him in a room with Crabbe.

When Severus had stumbled out of the closet hours later, Regulus had been right outside. He was furious with his boyfriend, and nearly killed Crabbe – until Lucius intervened and admitted he had put a lust potion in Severus' firewhiskey. When Severus had sobered up, Regulus had forgiven him, knowing it wasn't really his fault. Then the two began to plot their revenge...

At breakfast on Monday morning in the Dark Lord's lair, Lucius and Narcissa hummed happily as they ate. Narcissa took several dainty sips from her orange juice while Lucius poured himself cup after cup of black coffee and downed each cup in one gulp.

Severus and Regulus ran out after three minutes, barely able to keep straight faces. Lucius and Narcissa had no idea that they were drinking flavored lust potions!

"Narcissa, be a dear and let me have a sip of your O.J.," Bella yawned. "There's none left in the jug."

Narcissa glanced at her sister, then shrugged and pushed the glass to her.

"Help yourself."

Bella finished off the juice in one slug. Lucius was quite absorbed in drinking his coffee, which was the only thing that kept him from Crucioing everybody in the mornings. Unbeknownst to him, Peter Pettigrew had swiped a cup of coffee from his pot, and had scampered off to drink the strong coffee in the next room.

Lucius finally finished his eighth cup of coffee and let out a roar. The rest of the table stared at him. Lucius' eyes closed and he let out a loud groan. One hand moved to his chest, where it tweaked his left nipple.

"Lucius!" Narcissa gasped in shock. "What – _oh.._."

The lust potion began to take effect on her as well. She stood up and walked over to her husband. She immediately straddled his lap, and the two of them began to make out ferociously.

Bella stared at her sister for a minute before feeling a tingling throughout her body. She glanced around the room, and was disappointed that only Rodolphus Lestrange was in the room. Still, he was better than nothing... She jumped him, knocking their chairs to the floor, and began to tear his clothes off. He was too terrified to object.

Tom was quite upset that he hadn't caught anyone smiling yet.

"I need some warm milk," he sighed to himself, and headed towards the kitchen. He stopped in the doorway at the sight before him.

"What!" he shrieked in anger.

For there, on the floor, Bellatrix Black and Rodolphus Lestrange were going at it like bunnies (albeit bunnies interested in BDSM) – and on the table, Narcissa and Lucius Malfoy were in a position that Tom had never seen before.

"I've never seen that one before," Peter Pettigrew said in awe, coming up behind Tom.

"I didn't even know that position existed," Tom mused momentarily. Then he scowled.

"YOU HAVE ALL DEFIED TWO OF MY DECREES! YOU WILL BE PUNISHED FOR SMILING AND FOR ENGAGING IN CARNAL ACTIVITES!" He raised his wand to Crucio them all.

Peter suddenly gasped and clutched at Tom's robes. The Dark Lord turned to him, astonished at his audacity.

"My Lord!" He moaned, the lust potion finally taking effect, as he tried to kiss his master.

Tom blinked in surprise as he held his servant back, then looked Pettigrew up and down.

"You're not terrible looking," he mused aloud. "And Albus has been awfully rude – I suppose I ought to teach him a lesson..."


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Sadly not mine. A girl can dream, though...

_"The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches ... Born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies ... And the Dark Lord will mark him as his equal, but he will have power the Dark Lord knows not ... And either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives ... The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord will be born as the seventh month dies..."_

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1980 - Birth and Marking

Lucius and Narcissa gave birth to their only child, Draco Malfoy, in the last few days of July, 1980. They were quite proud of him, and carried the baby Draco around the Death Eater's lair, showing him off to anyone who saw him.

Tom, who was busy making preparations for the Under the Sea themed Death Eater Dance Party, barely spared them a minute. He glanced at baby Draco, then away again.

"Ugly," he decreed, then walked past Lucius and Narcissa. The young parents didn't notice his words, so entranced were they by their son's large face.

None of them noticed that a spark from Tom's wand flew up and landed on Draco's face, leaving a permanent, tiny circle that appeared as a pinprick on the baby's ear, making it seem pierced. Technically, it could be called a scar.

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1997 - The Vanquishing

Tom was ecstatic. After years of work (in his first life, and since his rebirth), he had finally achieved an Animagus form. It was almost enough to distract him from the anger he had felt since that blasted boy Potter had destroyed the last of his Horcruxes.

The Dark Lord had been furious that Potter had gotten rid of the Horcrux in his scar without having to die. He had never suspected that Mudblood Granger would advocate the use of such Dark sex magic... Instead, Tom had been forced to feel all the emotions of that wretched boy while he got the shagging of his life courtesy of his best female friend.

He tried to forget his sorrow by transforming again.

His form was absolutely adorable, he just knew it! He had always loved cockroaches, and now he was one... Tom admired his tiny new body in the mirror.

He did a little cockroach dance. He was so absorbed in the movements that he didn't notice when someone entered the room.

"My Lord?" Draco Malfoy squeaked nervously. "Are – are you here? Ooh, a mirror."

The young heir of the Malfoy family flounced to the mirror and ran a hand through his hair.

"That's right, Draco, work it," he sighed to himself, beaming at his image as he flexed his muscles and spun around. "Who's the sexiest? You are. Yeah. That's right! Uh-huh! EW!"

He had just realized he had stepped on a cockroach. Then he remembered what his crazy Aunt Bella had said about the Dark Lord believing his Animagus form was a cockroach.

"Bloody hell," Draco said, blinking rapidly and staring at the squished body of the cockroach. "Well, how about we just pretend this never happened? I don't really want Aunt Bella to kill me. _Evanesco!"_

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Nineteen Years Later...

"I'm so excited, Daddy!" Scorpio Malfoy squealed, hugging his adoptive father.

"Me too, son," Draco sighed. He hugged his youngest child soundly before turning to look fondly at the man who had raised their adoptive children together.

"We did good, Dray," Terry Malfoy, nee Boot, sighed wistfully.

"Yes, we did," Draco smiled back. He pulled his husband into a passionate kiss, in front of the entire station. Every straight female and gay male in the place watched with undisguised lust.

"Dad. Daddy? Why is everyone staring at us?"

"I suppose it's because we're both famous," Terry drawled after pulling away from his husband.

"No, its because you're bloody sexy," Draco growled back. Terry giggled happily.

Both statements was quite true. Just one year after graduating from Hogwarts, Terry Boot and Draco Malfoy had been on the centerfold of Playwitch magazine six times each. It had broken many people's hearts when the two of them had gotten together, but they made up for it by sharing the centerfold from then on, for the next nine years, when they had decided to retire together. Now they owned Playwitch together, and starred in the most popular Wizarding soap opera on the MagicVision: _One Whomping Willow Hill_.

Now the last of their four children was going off to school. Electra, their oldest, had gone to Ravenclaw, just like her father Terry. Micah and Jesse, the fourteen-year-old twins, had gone to Gryffindor and Hufflepuff respectively.

"Where do you think I'll go, Dad?" Scorpio asked Terry.

"Slytherin," his two fathers said in unison. They grinned at each other.

"But that's just what we're guessing," Terry added. "Obviously we don't care what House you go to – as long as you have a great time and send us plenty of pictures!"

"Thanks, Dad," Scorpio looked relieved. "Hey... It's Al!"

He was staring twenty feet down the platform, at the only family more famous than the Malfoys. Harry and Hermione Potter, the Co-Ministers of Magic, were at the station, seeing their children off on the Express. Charles Sirius Potter, their oldest, was in Electra's year, and Emma Lily Potter was the same age as Micah and Jesse. Their youngest two, the twins Rose Helene Potter and Albert James Potter (Al for short) would be starting their first year with Scorpio.

Draco and Terry ran into Harry and Hermione at parties all the time, and were glad to call the friendly and charismatic couple their friends. Scorpio and Al had met a few times before, and Draco and Terry were amused to find their interactions were much like their own, before they had started dating.

"I'm gonna go say hi!" Scorpio's face had lit up upon seeing his friend.

"Say hi to Nev and Luna for us!" Terry reminded him.

"K, Dad! Bye, love you both!"

The two fathers waved goodbye, smiling after their son.

"I bet they'll get together summer after third year," Terry whispered to his husband, watching Al and Scorpio grin unabashedly at each other.

"What do you want to bet?" Draco purred into his ear. "I'm sure it'll be sooner..."

Terry whispered something else that made Draco growl. Draco grabbed his husband's arm and dragged him forcefully from the station, a gleam in his eye that promised a good kind of punishment for Terry.

Sure, nobody knew Draco was actually the Savior of the Wizarding World and the Defeater of Voldemort besides Draco and his loving husband. Everybody believed that Harry and Hermione Potter had defeated him using the same ancient sex magic that destroyed the Horcrux in Harry's scar. (After all, that's what it said in Ginny Weasley's biographical novels of her two friends' lives.)

But it didn't matter. Draco had fulfilled the prophecy, and now he had a bloody good life. And to think, he accomplished it all without the help of some famous _scar_.


End file.
